"Attachment and Adoption" Live Q&A Rescheduled

Adoption Friends:

An update to our January 2007 Live Adoption Telecourse and Webinar schedule:

The live Q&A session for Attachment & Adoption: What is it and why is it so important?, originally scheduled for Sunday 1/28/07, has been rescheduled to 2/7/07 (Wednesday) from 9-10 PM Eastern Standard Time. We apologize for the change, and hope you'll be joining us on the new date!

Paula Zahn and CNN Try Again on China Adoption

Adoption Friends:

Tonight CNN and Paula Zahn showed that our voices were heard when "Paula Zahn Now" aired a follow-up to the "Adoption Prejudice" segment from last Friday - a segment that so many of us found deeply offensive (see my previous blog, Shame on You, Paula Zahn and CNN).

Paula Zahn started the segment by stating, "We've been flooded with your emails, thousands of them since our segment on Friday". That should come as no surprise. It was, and still is, hard for me to believe that Paula Zahn and CNN could have hosted a segment about Chinese adoption that was so uninformed, so unbalanced, and so insensitive. However, tonight's segment thankfully had a different tone, and included a representative from the adoption community, David Youtz, President Greater NY Chapter of Families with Children from China (FCC).

For example, on Friday, panelist Solangel Moldando stated, "that there are many more Americans, many more westerners, seeking to adopt children from China then there are children available." However, tonight correspondent John Vause reported from Beijing that, "No one knows for certain just how many children in China don't have a family." In my previous blog I noted the estimated ranged between 500,000 and 2 million.

On Friday, panelist Rolland Martin stated, "What's the big deal about Chinese Children ... Maybe they think they can adopt a smart kid that can grow up to be a doctor." Tonight, John Vause reported, "According to the US State Department, almost 7,000 Chinese kids found new homes in the United States, the most number of adoptions by any one country. And the main reason for that is this system is centrally controlled, and that means it's relatively efficient, it's predictable, and everyone knows the rules. And when those rules change, it may mean that a family somewhere will miss out on giving one of these kids a new home and a new life." Yes, that's it. That's what we were talking about.

I give credit to Paula Zahn and CNN for bringing the subject up again and trying to present a more balanced view, and especially for giving David Youtz a chance to tell the adoptive parent's side of the story. However, I was once again dismayed that the motives of at least some adoptive parents were impugned when Paula Zahn asked him, "Do you concede, though, that some of the stereotypes that they [Friday's panel] addressed do exist amongst some Americans?" David Youtz answered, "No, I don't think so. The key point here is that what parents in the United States want to do is form a family, and race is really not what's going on."

Why is it that we continue to try to keep looking for the worst in mankind in something as wonderful as adoption? Can't we just celebrate all adoption and do what we can to encourage more? Every adoption that matches a child with loving parents is a good adoption, and why should we question it? Aren't they all God's children? I simply don't understand.

Two of Friday's panelists returned to clarify their remarks. Roland Martin said, "We were talking about people who do adopt based upon stereotypes and we were criticizing those stereotypes. He continued, "So if someone was offended by it, I'm sorry they were offended by these stereotypes. The key is are we being honest to how people adopt? There are people, frankly, that may be more comfortable adopting a Chinese child versus an African-American or Hispanic child, and if the issue is again streamlining the process in America, we can work towards streamlining that. But just to say that it's easier to do there than here, well you really have to question that because other people have done it and they are really fine with their choices in America."

Cenk Uygur said, "Was I overbroad in saying that in, implying in my one sentence that was the sole factor? Absolutely. I was overboard to the sense of being wrong. I think there are a lot of factors involved [in adoption]. I think there are a lot of great people who do adoption for many good reasons, and God bless them for it."

While I still may not agree with the opinions of Roland Martin and Cenk Uygur, I respect them for returning to the program.

However, notably absent without explanation was Solangel Maldonado (Seton Hall University School of Law) who was also on Friday's panel. I did a web search to see if perhaps Ms. Maldonado or Seton Hall University had published any retractions or clarifications to her remarks and was unable to find any. However, I did find an abstract of a paper written by Ms. Maldonado titled, discouraging Racial Preferences in Adoptions, that states in part, "She proposes that the law discourage international adoptions based on racial preferences by requiring that Americans seeking to adopt internationally, while there are available children in the United States who meet their non raced based criteria, show non-race-based reasons for going abroad." Would the children of the world, including those in the United States, be served by us passing such a law? Is this type of law really in the spirit of what it means to be an American?

Near the end of the segment Paula Zahn said to Ginny Gong of the Organization of Chinese Americans, "The bottom line here is clearly that our panel struck a nerve. Are you satisfied with both Rolland's and Cenk's explanation? That what this simply was a discussion about stereotypes that people have had for a very long time about adopting various races of babies?" Ms. Gong replied, "I don't know if the issues was that I'm satisfied, because certainly it's the parents that it really hit a nerve with. For me, creating a family is a very difficult decision to make."

Ms. Gong, I couldn't agree more. It certainly did hit a nerve with adoptive parents. Adoption is a very long and difficult journey. It requires many leaps of faith. And, to me, it brings out the best in all of us. Let's not find ways to find fault with children finding forever families. Let's celebrate every adoption. However, let's not rest until every child who needs a family has found a home.

It's my hope and prayer that the emails that so many of us have written might inspire Paula Zahn and CNN to find a way to use their network to help more people who are considering adoption make the leap of faith and adopt a child, either domestically or internationally, so that more children - God's children - can find homes.

Robin Bartko

Shame on You, Paula Zahn & CNN

An open letter to Paula Zahn & CNN:

Shame on you! I just finished watching the "Adoption Prejudice" segment on your show, "Paula Zahn Now" (8-9 PM Eastern Time, 1/5/07). While you started out reporting about the new rules that China is expected to put in place regarding adoption in May of 2007, I can't believe some of the statements you allowed your panel to make regarding adoption at the end of the segment. For example:

Solangel Maldonado (Seaton Hall Law School) - "Adoption is really about supply and demand, and the reality is that there are many more Americans, many more westerners, seeking to adopt children from China then there are children available. "

Shame on you. Adoption isn't "really about supply and demand". It's about love. It's about creating or growing families, uniting adults with love in their hearts with children who desperately want and need families. It's about people who have made a "leap of faith" to adopt a child they know precious little about and promise to love and care for them forever.

And, there are not enough children available? If this were the case, this would be a good problem to have. However, according to NewsOK.com regarding the number of Chinese children in orphanages, "The [Chinese] government's official estimate is 500,000. Some outside groups put it at 2 million or higher." In fact, UNICEF estimates that there are over 143 million orphans worldwide. Perhaps you might investigate and see if the real problem might be that Chinese system isn't staffed or funded sufficiently to handle the number of people who wish to adopt from China.

Rolland Martin (Executive Editor, Chicago Defender) - "What's the big deal about Chinese Children ... maybe they think they can adopt a smart kid that can grow up to be a doctor."

Shame on you. Who are you to impugn the motives of those who are adopting from China? Have you asked any adoptive parents or is this just what you think. Perhaps statements like this, not the new China rules, are what caused you to title this segment of your show "Adoption prejudice".

Solangel Maldonado - "Americans do have this love affair with Chinese girls. There is this belief, this perception, as irrational as it might be, that if you adopt a little girl from China she is going to be intelligent, she is going to be more lovable, more cuddly. [...] We definitely see that idea of the beautiful Chinese little girl as compared to do they really want to adopt a black boy."

Shame on you. That, once again, you somehow feel that you take something as beautiful as adopting a child and make it seem like an act of prejudice. Is it really important why a couple or individual decide to adopt? That there is one less orphan in the world? One more family on this Earth?

Paula Zahn - "Realistically, how are you ever going to change that bias".

You, too? Do you just jump to the conclusion that those who adopt from China are prejudiced?

I'm lead to wonder what were the qualifications of your panel to discuss international adoption? It certainly wasn't obvious. Sadly, I could go on.

I suggest that you talk with adoptive parents and experts on international adoption. Yes, some may think that adoptive parents have done a selfish thing - fulfilling their dream of starting or growing a family with a child that they will love, cherish, nurture, and care for forever. Through all the ups and downs. Good times and bad. No matter what profession they'll end up in. However, isn't it also a beautiful thing? Should we really be impugning the motives of people who have not just talked, but acted to improve the life of a child? I think not.

I may not agree with the new rules that China may impose this year, and personally I may even believe that some of them are wrong. However, perhaps the most appropriate reason for titling this section "Adoption prejudice" were the comment made by your panel at the end.

I've come to know and expect more from programs that you're involved in. Ms. Zahn, for the good of all the children of the world who need homes, I hope you find the opportunity to show America what international adoption is about from an adoptive parent's point of view.

Robin Bartko

Attachment & Adoption - From an Adoptive Parent's Point of View

Adoption Friends,

I wanted to share with you some thoughts and information on forming a strong attachment with your adopted child – from an adoptive parent’s point of view – and let you know where you can learn more about attachment.

If you’re adopting, you may be wondering how you and your new child will “bond” or “attach”. If so, you are not alone. I know that my husband and I certainly did. We wondered how our new son would react when he first saw us. How we could help make his transition to our home as warm and loving as possible. And, what we should – and shouldn’t – do to help him form a strong bond with us as quickly as possible. And, most of all, we wondered if he would love us.

Unfortunately, with all the paperwork and tasks during our adoption process, I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that we did little more than wonder and worry. We didn’t take the time to learn about attachment in adoption.

However, we now know how important attachment in adoption is for adoptive parents. In fact, it’s so important that when the United States signs The Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption (which is expected to take place in late 2007), prospective adoptive parents who will be adopting from China, Guatemala and other countries covered by the convention will be required to take training on attachment.

Why is attachment important? Unfortunately, for all adopted children, their very first attachment – the bond with their birth mother – was broken. And, as Dr. Lark Eshleman, author of Becoming a Family: Promoting Healthy Attachment with Your Adopted Child has told me, this break is traumatic for the child no matter when or how it occurred.

If that wasn’t enough, while your new child is waiting to be adopted and is not yet part of his or her forever family, he or she is not in an ideal situation to recover from this initial trauma and form strong attachments despite the best intentions of the caregivers. In the worse case, the child can suffer additional trauma if bonds with caregivers are broken or his or her needs are not being met. As a result, some children can develop attachment challenges that will have to be addressed. Since adopted children come from all types of backgrounds, you really won’t know about your child’s situation until you get your referral and possibly until you bring your child home.

So, if you are in the process of adopting, now is the time to learn so you can help make the transition easier for your child and yourself, recognize the signs of attachment challenges if they were to occur, and be prepared to help your child if they need it. As they say, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Dawn Choate, a mother of four including two daughters adopted from China, recently shared the story of the attachment challenges she faced with her daughter, Hannah, on ThinkingOfAdopting.com. Dawn talked about how difficult it was for her to realize that Hannah was having attachment challenges and her struggle to find the resources needed to overcome them in order to “Heal Hannah”. It's a very heartfelt and emoitional story, told from an adoptive parent's point of view. If you haven't yet heard Dawn's story, Healing Hannah, I urge you to do so.

If you would like to learn more about attachment as you prepare for your adoption, you may wish to consider taking our new webinar, “An Introduction to Attachment in Adoption: What it is and why it is Important” given by Dr. Lark Eshleman. The webinar also covers what healthy attachment looks like, describes attachment styles and why the attachment styles of the parents are important, as well as discusses the signs of attachment problems. Plus, Dr. Eshleman will be appearing live on ThinkingOfAdopting.com for a 60 minute Q&A session on January 14th at 9 PM Eastern Time. For more information or to register go to the Adoption Telecourses page on ThinkingOfAdopting.com.

If you have any questions on how to learn more about attachment, please don’t hesitate to contact me via email at Robin@ThinkingOfAdopting.com

If you’re wondering how our son reacted the first (and second) time he saw us, he cried his eyes out. That’s right! You’d have thought that we were the scariest people around and that he would never want to leave the orphanage. And – despite how we felt at the time – what we learned later was that was a good sign. A sign that he had formed an attachment with his caregivers, and that once he got to know us he could form a forever bond with us as his mother and father. And while it didn't happen overnight, it did ... and it sure feels wonderful!

Robin Bartko