What does Lisa Marie Presley and Elvis got to do with it?

Ok girlfriends, listen up! You are probably wondering, why is she writing this? Well, let me explain. Have you heard the remake of the song just released "In the Ghetto" with Lisa Marie and Elvis Presley? The song and video are on itunes. Isn’t it amazing that Lisa Marie has those same sultry eyes as Elvis? Anyway, I have fond memories of my childhood of watching Elvis movies on lazy Sunday afternoons. As you can tell, I am a big Elvis fan and hope to visit Graceland one day with my children. My next door neighbor growing up was a big fan as well. I remember how we would both run to the TV to watch Elvis movies. Anyway, I heard the song this weekend and it is awesome. I have never heard Lisa Marie sing before, she really has a decent voice. In listening to the lyrics, the song has a lot to do with the road that can lead children to distress and in what we need to do in general for the goodwill for all people. Some of the lyrics say she has "another hungry mouth to feed" and "this child needs a helping hand". Also, the lyrics say "Do we simply turn our heads and look the other way?" Pretty deep stuff from Elvis, don’t you think? After listening to this song many times this weekend, isn’t that what adoption is all about? helping a child in need and not turning away from what needs to be done?

Now I know adoption is not for everyone. It takes a tremendous amount of energy, time and money. However, if you don’t see adoption as an option for you, then help someone else adopt. You could help with a fundraiser. Many families want to adopt, but they just don’t have the resources and there are way more orphans who need homes than families to adopt them. There are so many children who "need a helping hand". Adoption support groups as Shaohannahshope http://members.shaohannahshope.org/site/PageServer and Healing Hannah http://www.healinghannah.com/ do just that.

Now, getting back to Elvis, I commend Lisa Marie for donating the proceeds of the song to her charity, Presley Place http://www.elvis.com/presleyplace/message . According to her web site, Presley Place is "a program designed to bring homeless families the helping hand, the skills and guidance they need to break the cycle of poverty". Also, as a quick note, the web site is great. There is great stuff for kids like print and color, the Elvis Surfing Game and screensavers. And of course, for us big people, there is the Graceland virtual tour.

Now girlfriends, Lisa Marie is not simply turning her head the other way. She is doing something and making a difference.

Robin Bartko

Visit ThinkingOfAdopting.com for independent information and inspiration for your international adoption journey, including adoption telecourses and webinars that let you learn from the comfort and privacy of your own home.

New Adoption Story: "From Birth Mother to Adoptive Mother"

Adoption Friends,

I'm happy to announce that we've added our fourth adoption story to ThinkingOfAdopting.com: "From Birth Mother to Adoptive Mother" by Mary Beth Wells.

In "From Birth Mother to Adoptive Mother", Mary Beth shares the pain and heartache she experienced when she relinquishing a baby when she was very young, subsequently suffering through infertility, and then the joy of adopting two girls from Guatemala. It's a very honest and heartfelt story, and we're glad that Mary Beth has decided to share it with all of us.

As with our other three adoptive parent stories: "Healing Hannah", "True Blessings" and "His Will", you can listen to Mary Beth tell her story through your computer's speakers or download it to your iPod or MP3 player by going to our "Adoption Telecourses" page. And, it is free of charge. I hope you'll take advantage of this opportunity.

My sincere thanks to Mary Beth for sharing her story!

Robin Bartko

PS: If you're interested in sharing your adoption story, please let me know.

Russia Accredits Seven Adoption Agencies

Adoption Friends:

According to the the web site of the US Embassy in Moscow, Russia, the following seven agencies have been accredited with the Ministry of Education and Science of the Russian Federation as of June 27, 2007 to resume adoption services in the Russian Federation:

• Catholic Social Services/Diocese of Charlotte , NC
• Children’s Home Society & Family Services
• The Cradle
• Cradle of Hope
• Frank Adoption Center
• Family & Children’s Agency, Inc.
• International Assistance Group

This is great news for everyone who is hoping to adopt from Russia -- and most especially for the children! My sincere appreciation for everyone in Russia and the United States who has worked to make this happen.

Robin Bartko

Behavior and the Adopted Child

Adoption Friends,

I was recently at the conference “Raising and Healing the Adopted Child: Effective Strategies for Helping Your Child Reach their Highest Potential” in the Baltimore area. The speakers included Dr. Federici, Dr. Mason, Dr. Gordina and Nadya Molina, M.Ed., BCBA.

Nadya Molina is a behaviorist that works with Dr. Federici as well as having her private practice, Alternative Behaviors in Falls Church, VA. Nadya gave a three hour talk about behavior and the adopted child. It was an excellent talk and the audience was glued to their seat during her session. I wish I would have attended a session like this 13 years ago before I started parenting. I think all of us as adoptive parents agree that life tends to go smoother in our households when our children’s behavior is appropriate.

Nadya talked about how she became a behaviorist. When she was growing up, her best friend had Downs Syndrome so she felt a calling to help people with special needs. Nadya has worked for numerous school systems, has a master’s degree in Severe and Profound Handicaps, and has worked with people with mental retardation, autism, eating disorders as well as with people with unique behaviors that they have not been able to tackle on their own. She recently became board certified in Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) which is often used with children with tendencies on the autism spectrum and has also been found effective for other children as well. She has worked with people with deficits since 1986 and is a parent of a special needs biological child. Her office is located in Virginia; however parents and adults call her from all over the country to assist them regardless of the type of behavior they need to change. She has even gone to Iceland to help families. She has helped individuals overcome all sorts of behavior including orphanage behavior like rocking, hoarding food and head banging as well as eating disorders like bulimia. She assists people of all ages including young children and adults.

Nadya shared many of the techniques she uses to assist people to change behavior. She indicated that each post institutionalized child is very unique and no “one size” fits all intervention in behavior modification. Here are some of the pertinent hints in assisting our adopted children.

Tell your child what to do versus what not to do. I think as parents we all want what is best for our children, but it is not uncommon for us to say things like “don’t go in the street”, don’t touch that”, “be good”…instead of directly saying “walk on the sidewalk”, “play with your toy instead of touching that”, or “I like when you play with your truck”.

Find out why the behavior is happening. Is your child craving attention, bored, internal anxiety, on auto pilot or trying to escape. Observe and try to figure a pattern of why and when the behavior is happening.

Use “Time In” versus “Time out”. I think most of us grew up with the “time out” concept. Our parents put us in the corner or sent us to our room to discipline us. Nadya indicated that this is not a good technique for our children coming from orphanages especially when we first bring them home. Orphanage children are already used to little attention and “time out” alienates them more. She suggests you keep your child in close proximity to you, but don’t give them attention or eye contact during this “time in” period.

Use immediate reinforcement for appropriate behavior. Nadya shared the example of potty training. As soon as your child goes pee pee on the potty, give them their candy or sticker. Don’t wait until they wash their hands. Children need to understand that the behavior they just completed is the one being reinforced.

Use short, clear, concise directions and consequences. Avoid giving lectures and talking too much. Tell you child specifics as “brush you teeth” or “put your truck in the toy bin”. “Use clear directions without negotiation.”

Write simple stories about social situations and phrases to explain sequences of events to your child. She recommended books that Carol Gray has written on Social Stories ™ (available on Amazon). In these stories, you break down tasks for your child in simple steps.

The “Drill Phrases” drill the child into a specific task. She used the example of “Stop—Think—Make Good Choices” (sort of like the fire chief saying, “Stop, Drop and Roll”). The use of drilling phrases help children process and retrieve information quicker and effectively; which is a major deficit within post-institutionalized children.

Schedule breaks for your child. Nadya used the example of shopping. Like most working parents, a lot of us try to tackle our shopping on the weekends. She gave the example of shopping for three hours. She said schedule breaks (have a snack, go to the bathroom, etc) periodically through your shopping time. Yes, it may take longer, but this helps prevent meltdowns from your child.

Do not remove the demand or task if your child expresses himself
with unwanted behavior (for example, meltdowns). Parents get tired both emotionally and physically. It is not uncommon for us to just give in to our child because we just don’t have the energy to deal with the unwanted behavior. Nadya recognizes that this can be very difficult on parents, but do not give in to your child. It is OK to modify or adapt.

Create rules. Nadya said to teach your child rules. For example, “only hug your family”. This type of rule helps your child attach to family members rather than others which can help with behavior challenges. She recommended several books that may be of interest to adoptive parents including “Navigating the Social World” by Jeanette McAfee and “A Work in Progress” by Ron Leaf (both available on Amazon).

Nadya Molina can be reached by calling 703-732-2469 or www.AlternativeBehaviors.com as well as at 703-548-0721 or www.drfederici.com. If you are interested in the entire recording of Nadya's session at "Raising and Healing the Adopted Child", contact me at either 410-916-1542 or Robin@ThinkingOfAdopting.com.

Robin Bartko

Russia Curtails US Adoptions

Adoption Friends,

Sad news to report ...

According to an article in this morning's USA Today (4/11/07), Russia effectively curtailed US adoption by allowing the accrediations of the last two agencies to expire. According to the article by Wendy Koch, Tom DiFilipo, president of the Joint Council on International Children's Services (www.jcics.org) said, "We've never had this situation before, where we have no accredited agencies" and further says he believes the holdup could last a few months.

In my opinion how incredibly sad - most especially for the children whom I pray find forever homes and are not left in the orphanages. And, for all of those longing to bring them home to their forever family. I hope that this is resolved as soon as possible. Keep the faith.

Robin Bartko

Visit ThinkingOfAdopting.com for independent information and inspiration for your international adoption journey, including adoption telecourses and webinars that let you learn from the comfort and privacy of your own home.

Adoption Conference: "Raising & Healing the Adopted Child" May 19th & 20th

Adoption Friends,

No one loves your adopted child more or knows him better than you. You know better than anyone else if your child is hurting or needs help - if something just isn’t “right”. And all too often the search for the true diagnosis of your child's hurt and for effective strategies to help raise and heal your child can be so frustrating. Filled with false starts and dead ends. And while you search you can feel so alone ...

If you’ve been looking for answers, don't miss this opportunity to learn from nationally recognized experts and adoptive parents at the upcoming adoption conference for parents and professionals, Raising & Healing the Adopted Child: Effective Solutions and Practical Strategies to Help Your Child Reach Their Highest Potential

This adoption conference will take place May 19th and 20th 2007 at the Holiday Inn BWI Airport in Linthicum, MD - just south of Baltimore, MD and minutes from both Interstate 95 and Amtrak's BWI Station - convenient to the entire mid-Atlantic region and beyond.

The conference, sponsored by Project Katherine and ThinkingOfAdopting.com, will help you recognize & understand the unique challenges your adopted child may be facing, present you with effective strategies to help heal your child, and teach you how to advocate for your child in order to get them the care of services they need. And very importantly, you'll understand that no matter what challenges you are facing with your adopted child, you don't have to face them alone.

Speakers include nationally recognized experts as well as adoptive parents who have experienced challenges first hand:

• Dr. Ronald S. Federici, ABPN, FACAAP, Developmental Neuropsychologist & Psychopharmacologist – Clinic Director/ Supervisor, Neuropsychological & Family Therapy Associates, Alexandria, VA. Author of Help for the Hopeless Child: A Guide for Families and father to seven internationally adopted children.
  
• Patrick Mason, M.D., Ph.D. – International Adoption Medical Specialist; Founder, Inova Fairfax Hospital for Children’s International Adoption Center, Fairfax, VA.
• Alla Gordina, M.D., FAAP – International Adoption Medical Specialist; Global Pediatrics and Family Medicine, International Adoptions Medical Support Services, East Brunswick, NJ.
• Nadya Molina, M.Ed. – Expert in the management and treatment of children with complex developmental disorders such as autism, retardation, multiple learning disabilities, ADHD, and psychiatric disorders.
• William Houston, J.D. – Education Attorney with Dalton, Dalton and Houston. Mr. Houston is an expert in helping parents navigate the special education maze, and a strong advocate for educational rights and proper services for children with special needs.
  
• Bill Delmedico & Cynthia Smith-Federici – Adoptive Parents
  

I hope that you will be able to take advantage of this unique opportunity to learn from experts who often are regularly called upon to provide answers and treatment recommendations that no one else has been able to provide. For more information (including a printable brochure) or to register on-line, visit: http://www.thinkingofadopting.com/adoptionconference

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me at Robin@ThinkingOfAdopting.com.

Robin Bartko

Visit ThinkingOfAdopting.com for independent information and inspiration for your international adoption journey, including adoption telecourses and webinars that let you learn from the comfort and privacy of your own home.

Attachment Conference April 19th and 20th in Lancaster, PA

Adoption Friends,

Wanted to let you know about an outstanding opportunity to learn about attachment from some of the most respected leaders in the field on April 19th and 20th in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

The Institute for Children and Families is presenting "The Face of Trauma, the Heart of Healing", a two day conference led by Daniel Hughes, author of Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: the Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children. Also appearing during the conference are Art Becker-Weidman, Janice Goldwater, and Lark Eshleman.

I feel very fortunate to know Dr. Lark Eshleman, Director of the Institute for Children and Families and author of Becoming a Family: Promoting Healthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child. Helping individuals and their families overcome early childhood trauma, especially trauma that often leads to attachment challenges, is something she is truly passionate about. I've had the pleasure to listen to her first hand as she appeared several times on ThinkingOfAdopting.com and as she developed her webinar, Attachment and Adoption: What is it and Why is it so Important?, a great introduction to attachment for pre- or post-adoptive parents. It's so obvious that she puts her heart and soul into her work.

According to Dr. Eshleman, day one of the conference features a full-day, parent focused (and therapist informative) presentation by Dan Hughes on how to facilitate the connection between a resistant (frightened) child and eager but perhaps frustrated parent. Day two features Dr. Eshleman, Art Becker-Weidman, Janice Goldwater and other members of the Board of ATTACh (Association for the Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children), parents and other professionals who will offer presentations directed towards both parents, therapists, school personnel, law enforcement, adoption workers, medical professionals, and others who work with children, adolescents and adults who have experienced disruptions in attachment and other traumas in their early lives. The conference will also feature numerous information-sharing booths, a bookseller, and opportunities to meet others who share your interests.

Dr. Eshleman says, "Children who are in foster care, have lived in orphanages, have been abused,neglected or lived with severe medical issues in their early life, or whose parents may have struggled with their own mental health or high stress issues during the child's early years, show a significantly higher rate of difficulty learning how to trust even caring, safe adults in their lives. And yet, children need to learn to trust adults who are trustworthy; young ones cannot live on their own and clearly need and deserve to learn and live with the freedom to be children, not 'mini adults' who have to always be in control, or fear that life will continue to hand them 'bad luck' situations."

To learn more or to register, go to www.InstituteForChildren.org or www.ATTACh.org, or call 717-290-7040.

My best to Dr. Eshleman for the success of this conference, and my sincere hope that many children and their parents will have stronger, healthier attachments as a result!

Robin Bartko

Visit ThinkingOfAdopting.com for independent information and inspiration for your international adoption journey, including adoption telecourses and webinars that let you learn from the comfort and privacy of your own home.

Angelina Jolie to Adopt from Vietnam

Adoption Friends:

Angelina Jolie is going to be adopting internationally for the third time. According to press reports, papers have been filed on her behalf for an adoption from Vietnam.

Angelina Jolie previously adopted internationally from Cambodia and Ethiopia, and has a biological daughter with Brad Pitt. According to an article by E! Entertainment Television, "Word that the couple was planning to adopt from Vietnam was first reported by Us Weekly last week, when the magazine claimed to have learned from unnamed sources that Jolie and Pitt had their sights set on a boy from the Tam Binh orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City, a spot they visited in November [2006]." You can read the E! article for more information.

Vietnam reopened for international adoption relatively recently (2005, with placements beginning in 2006), and according to US Department of State statistics 163 children were adopted by parents in the United States in fiscal year 2006 (October 2005 through September 2006, the most recent period for which statistic are available), ranking Vietnam 14th on the list of US international adoptions.

However, US international adoptions from Vietnam were once much more popular. Between 1998-2002 US adoption from Vietnam number approximately 600-700 per year (ranking Vietnam as high as 5th and as low as 7th on the list during this period), and decreased to 382 in fiscal year 2003 when Vietnam closed for adoption. We've compiled the last 17 years of US Department of State data on our International Adoption Statistics Page for you to review.

According to data on FindingYourChild.com, Vietnam does not have an age limit for adoption, single women can adopt, and some provinces allow single men to adopt. Only one trip is required and the duration of the trip is generally two-three weeks. Children are in government orphanages and while the youngest age of children available for adoption are 6 months old, typically the children are between 10-12 months old. Of note is that post placement reports are required every six months for the first three years, then yearly until the child is 18 years old. I recommend that you go to FindingYourChild.com for more information.

I'm excited for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and I wish them the best on their adoption journey. While I'd assume, like many of us, they'd rather have kept their adoption journey private, I believe that many more will learn that adoption from Vietnam is an option and, as a result, more children will find their forever families. And for that I'm sure we're all thankful!

Robin Bartko

Visit ThinkingOfAdopting.com for independent information and inspiration for your international adoption journey.

Adoption: Comparison of Parenting by Adoptive and Biological Parents

Adoption Friends:

Wanted to let you know about research reported in the February 2007 issue of the American Sociological Review (the journal of the American Sociological Association) titled, “Adoptive Parents, Adaptive Parents: Evaluating the Importance of Biological Ties for Parental Investment.”

While the article doesn't appear to be available on-line (other than for a $20 fee from IngentaConnect.com), according to "Adoptive Parents Invest as Much in Raising Children as Biological Parents Do" on SpiritIndia.com the researchers "examined how much parents spend on their children in terms of time and other resources." They report, "this study provides timely and definitive evidence that adoptive parents invest just as much in raising their children as do biological parents."

That's good news - for both adoptive parents and their children. In fact, according to the abstract posted on IngentaConnect.com, "these patterns suggest that adoptive parents enrich their children's lives to compensate for the lack of biological ties and the extra challenges of adoption."

Of course, as adoptive parents we already knew this in our hearts. However, it is kind of nice to see it in an independent study.

Robin Bartko

Visit ThinkingOfAdopting.com for independent information and inspiration for your international adoption journey.

Jessica Simpson Helps Orphanage

Adoption Friends:

It's always to good hear when someone is helping children who need a home ...

According to an article on People.com, Jessica Simpson has been helping Casa Hogar Elim orphanage in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico. She's in the process of donating a new seven passenger van to the orphanage, and is currently auctioning the red dress that she wore in a 2007 Super Bowl Pizza Hut commercial to benefit the orphanage on eBay.

Interestingly, some are critical of Jessica Simpson because donating the van isn't costing her any money. Apparently, she won a sports car as part of the MTV's music video awards and, instead of taking the car, asked Chrysler to change it to a van and sent it to the orphanage instead.

Personally, I think what Jessica Simpson is doing is great! Of all the things she could have done with the sports car she thought to help children in need. Of all the things she could have done with the dress (including simply putting it in the closet), she thought to use it as a way to help the orphanage and raise awareness of its needs.

I still vividly remember leaving the orphanage in Russia with my youngest son, thinking of all the children left behind who weren't going home that day to their forever family. There's so many children who need homes all over the world. My kudos for Jessica Simpson for thinking of the children in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico and choosing to help!

Robin Bartko

PS: Interested on seeing how the auction is going on eBay? Click here. I hope the auction is a great success!

Visit ThinkingOfAdopting.com for independent information and inspiration for your international adoption journey.

Russia on Adoption: All Orphans Should Get a Foster Family

Adoption Friends,

I believe you'll find the information in a 2/8/2007 article on the ITAR-TASS News Agency web site very interesting. It appears that the Russian Government is attempting to create incentives to transition Russian orphans from orphanages to foster care and to encourage adoption in Russia.

According to the article, the Russian Government is examining a program called "Russian Children" that is "aimed at creating favorable conditions for children's life and state support for children", and expects to spend 47.845 billion roubles (approximately $1.9 billion US, I believe) to implement the program from 2007-2010.

Some of the statistics in the article are very interesting. For example, according to the Russian Ministry of Health and Social Development, Russia has "765,000 children left without parents' attention". Orphans, I assume. You can really appreciate the magnitude of this number when you consider that only 3,706 Russian children were adopted by families in the US in 2006 (see our International Adoption Statistics Page). It further states that 260,000 roubles (approximately $9,900 US) are annually needed for the upkeep of one child in a family with an average income."

However, most importantly, it states, "the government sets the task that all orphans should get into a foster family. This will help to reorient orphanages. [...] The family gets from the state 250,000 roubles not only for the birth of its own child, but also for adoption of the second and subsequent children."

The article closes with the following quote, "All this inspires hope that there will be no orphans in our country, while living standards of children and parents will improve substantially." What a wonderful goal. I pray it succeeds. Until then, I thank God for all that have and will take a "leap of faith" and adopt one of these children, bringing joy into their own hearts and giving one more child a forever home.

You can read the artcile by clicking on the following link:
http://www.tass.ru/eng/level2.html?NewsID=11230685&PageNum=0

Robin Bartko

Visit ThinkingOfAdopting.com for independent information and inspiration for your international adoption journey.

Is There a Chinese Baby Shortage?

With new regulations taking place, the China adoption process has been getting much press. I wanted to let you know about an article that appeared in the January 23, 2007 edition of the New York Times, "The Mystery of the Chinese Baby Storage", written by Beth Nonte Russel (an adoptive parent of two children from China).

This article discusses the controversy regarding the alledged shortage of Chinese children available for adoption. Beth Nonte Russel discusses the issues with Dr. Patrick Mason, an international adoption doctor. When Ms. Russel expresses her concern to Dr. Mason regarding her fear that China could shut down for adoptions, Dr. Mason stated, “The number of orphans is just too great.”

After having traveled overseas to adopt my youngest son, I now see the world as Dr. Mason has. There are so many orphans worldwide needing homes and just not enough parents who are able to make the emotional and financial journey to do so. Believe me, when I held my new son in my arms and looked back at his orphanage and saw all of the children remaining, it brought tears to my eyes. All this press about China not having enough children to adopt is just insane in my opinion. Yes, China is changing their rules on adoption. Unfortunately, fewer families will qualify to adopt from China. However, with international adoption, most countries do have qualifications that, whether we agree with them or not, do exist.

The article also mentions that China will host the Olympics in 2008 and are allowing foreign journalists. Let’s all hope that the journalists get the opportunity to show the reality of these orphanages and that adoption from China increases.

I remember that shortly after adopting my youngest a friend who had previously traveled all over of the world said to me, “That kid (implying my son) really hit the lottery getting you guys as a family”. I have to admit at first I thought this was somewhat of an unusual comment (and that we were the lucky ones to adopt him), but this friend knew the reality of the orphan situation in the world. There are so many more children in need of homes than families who adopt. If you go to the UNICEF web site, you can see the orphan epidemic is tragic. If you are considering adoption, I pray that you take the leap of faith and give one more child a forever home.

(Note: You can find the article on NYTimes.com by entering "The Mystery of The Chinese Baby Shortage" in the search box. Unfortunately, it appears that you may have to register for the free 14 day trial of NYTimes Select to view the entire article.)

Sad Story of Treatment of Russian Orphans with Mouths Taped Shut

Adoption Friends,

I learned of a very sad story on the treatment of Russian children - possibly orphans - that I thought you should know.

According to a United Press International (UPI) story today, babies in a hospital in Yekaterinburg were photographed with their mouths taped shut (possibly with pacifier in them) by a woman with a cell phone camera. The woman went to investigate after she heard muffled cries. When she question a nurse in the ward, she was told to mind her own business. She reported it to the authorities and a criminal investigation is now underway.

According to the UPI story, "The unidentified woman doctor said her staff was overworked and underpaid and the practice of taping the babies' mouths shut saved a great deal of time by preventing pacifiers from being spit onto the floor." The story has caused understandable outrage in Russia.

I also saw this story briefly on CNN Headline News today, where they stated that the children in question were orphans and that in a separate incident I believe a three year old child was being given sedatives so the child would sleep through nap time. I have been unable to find this story posted on the CNN.com, and have sent an email to CNN asking if they were going to post it. If I receive a response I will let you know.

I found the most detailed account of this story on Pravda.ru which states, "There were conflicting reports as to whether the infants were all orphans" and includes one image apparently from the cell phone footage. I've also found the story on the Moscow Times web site as well as on MoscowNews.com.

How very sad in so many ways. No matter if the children were orphans or not. No matter if this is an isolated incident (as I pray) or something worse. As I adopted my youngest son from Russia, I felt terrible as I watched this story on CNN. And the feeling gets worse the more I think about it. I honestly wondered if I should make this post and what good it could do.

But it also made me think of these little children. What if they were orphans? Already in the hospital alone, abandoned by their birth parents. At the time they need to be loved and nurtured they experience this. And who knows what else. So it made me think that the truth is we don't really know what our children went through before they came into our arms. It made me think of how brave and strong that they are. Survivors.

And it make me think how much more important it is for us to be prepared to help them overcome whatever they've been through. Things we'll probably never know and they'll likely never be able to tell us. To be prepared to help them heal physically, emotionally (where the scars are hidden and harder to heal) - whatever - so that they can truly find love and comfort in our arms forever.

If we do then, perhaps, something good can come of this.

"Attachment and Adoption" Live Q&A Rescheduled

Adoption Friends:

An update to our January 2007 Live Adoption Telecourse and Webinar schedule:

The live Q&A session for Attachment & Adoption: What is it and why is it so important?, originally scheduled for Sunday 1/28/07, has been rescheduled to 2/7/07 (Wednesday) from 9-10 PM Eastern Standard Time. We apologize for the change, and hope you'll be joining us on the new date!

Paula Zahn and CNN Try Again on China Adoption

Adoption Friends:

Tonight CNN and Paula Zahn showed that our voices were heard when "Paula Zahn Now" aired a follow-up to the "Adoption Prejudice" segment from last Friday - a segment that so many of us found deeply offensive (see my previous blog, Shame on You, Paula Zahn and CNN).

Paula Zahn started the segment by stating, "We've been flooded with your emails, thousands of them since our segment on Friday". That should come as no surprise. It was, and still is, hard for me to believe that Paula Zahn and CNN could have hosted a segment about Chinese adoption that was so uninformed, so unbalanced, and so insensitive. However, tonight's segment thankfully had a different tone, and included a representative from the adoption community, David Youtz, President Greater NY Chapter of Families with Children from China (FCC).

For example, on Friday, panelist Solangel Moldando stated, "that there are many more Americans, many more westerners, seeking to adopt children from China then there are children available." However, tonight correspondent John Vause reported from Beijing that, "No one knows for certain just how many children in China don't have a family." In my previous blog I noted the estimated ranged between 500,000 and 2 million.

On Friday, panelist Rolland Martin stated, "What's the big deal about Chinese Children ... Maybe they think they can adopt a smart kid that can grow up to be a doctor." Tonight, John Vause reported, "According to the US State Department, almost 7,000 Chinese kids found new homes in the United States, the most number of adoptions by any one country. And the main reason for that is this system is centrally controlled, and that means it's relatively efficient, it's predictable, and everyone knows the rules. And when those rules change, it may mean that a family somewhere will miss out on giving one of these kids a new home and a new life." Yes, that's it. That's what we were talking about.

I give credit to Paula Zahn and CNN for bringing the subject up again and trying to present a more balanced view, and especially for giving David Youtz a chance to tell the adoptive parent's side of the story. However, I was once again dismayed that the motives of at least some adoptive parents were impugned when Paula Zahn asked him, "Do you concede, though, that some of the stereotypes that they [Friday's panel] addressed do exist amongst some Americans?" David Youtz answered, "No, I don't think so. The key point here is that what parents in the United States want to do is form a family, and race is really not what's going on."

Why is it that we continue to try to keep looking for the worst in mankind in something as wonderful as adoption? Can't we just celebrate all adoption and do what we can to encourage more? Every adoption that matches a child with loving parents is a good adoption, and why should we question it? Aren't they all God's children? I simply don't understand.

Two of Friday's panelists returned to clarify their remarks. Roland Martin said, "We were talking about people who do adopt based upon stereotypes and we were criticizing those stereotypes. He continued, "So if someone was offended by it, I'm sorry they were offended by these stereotypes. The key is are we being honest to how people adopt? There are people, frankly, that may be more comfortable adopting a Chinese child versus an African-American or Hispanic child, and if the issue is again streamlining the process in America, we can work towards streamlining that. But just to say that it's easier to do there than here, well you really have to question that because other people have done it and they are really fine with their choices in America."

Cenk Uygur said, "Was I overbroad in saying that in, implying in my one sentence that was the sole factor? Absolutely. I was overboard to the sense of being wrong. I think there are a lot of factors involved [in adoption]. I think there are a lot of great people who do adoption for many good reasons, and God bless them for it."

While I still may not agree with the opinions of Roland Martin and Cenk Uygur, I respect them for returning to the program.

However, notably absent without explanation was Solangel Maldonado (Seton Hall University School of Law) who was also on Friday's panel. I did a web search to see if perhaps Ms. Maldonado or Seton Hall University had published any retractions or clarifications to her remarks and was unable to find any. However, I did find an abstract of a paper written by Ms. Maldonado titled, discouraging Racial Preferences in Adoptions, that states in part, "She proposes that the law discourage international adoptions based on racial preferences by requiring that Americans seeking to adopt internationally, while there are available children in the United States who meet their non raced based criteria, show non-race-based reasons for going abroad." Would the children of the world, including those in the United States, be served by us passing such a law? Is this type of law really in the spirit of what it means to be an American?

Near the end of the segment Paula Zahn said to Ginny Gong of the Organization of Chinese Americans, "The bottom line here is clearly that our panel struck a nerve. Are you satisfied with both Rolland's and Cenk's explanation? That what this simply was a discussion about stereotypes that people have had for a very long time about adopting various races of babies?" Ms. Gong replied, "I don't know if the issues was that I'm satisfied, because certainly it's the parents that it really hit a nerve with. For me, creating a family is a very difficult decision to make."

Ms. Gong, I couldn't agree more. It certainly did hit a nerve with adoptive parents. Adoption is a very long and difficult journey. It requires many leaps of faith. And, to me, it brings out the best in all of us. Let's not find ways to find fault with children finding forever families. Let's celebrate every adoption. However, let's not rest until every child who needs a family has found a home.

It's my hope and prayer that the emails that so many of us have written might inspire Paula Zahn and CNN to find a way to use their network to help more people who are considering adoption make the leap of faith and adopt a child, either domestically or internationally, so that more children - God's children - can find homes.

Robin Bartko

Shame on You, Paula Zahn & CNN

An open letter to Paula Zahn & CNN:

Shame on you! I just finished watching the "Adoption Prejudice" segment on your show, "Paula Zahn Now" (8-9 PM Eastern Time, 1/5/07). While you started out reporting about the new rules that China is expected to put in place regarding adoption in May of 2007, I can't believe some of the statements you allowed your panel to make regarding adoption at the end of the segment. For example:

Solangel Maldonado (Seaton Hall Law School) - "Adoption is really about supply and demand, and the reality is that there are many more Americans, many more westerners, seeking to adopt children from China then there are children available. "

Shame on you. Adoption isn't "really about supply and demand". It's about love. It's about creating or growing families, uniting adults with love in their hearts with children who desperately want and need families. It's about people who have made a "leap of faith" to adopt a child they know precious little about and promise to love and care for them forever.

And, there are not enough children available? If this were the case, this would be a good problem to have. However, according to NewsOK.com regarding the number of Chinese children in orphanages, "The [Chinese] government's official estimate is 500,000. Some outside groups put it at 2 million or higher." In fact, UNICEF estimates that there are over 143 million orphans worldwide. Perhaps you might investigate and see if the real problem might be that Chinese system isn't staffed or funded sufficiently to handle the number of people who wish to adopt from China.

Rolland Martin (Executive Editor, Chicago Defender) - "What's the big deal about Chinese Children ... maybe they think they can adopt a smart kid that can grow up to be a doctor."

Shame on you. Who are you to impugn the motives of those who are adopting from China? Have you asked any adoptive parents or is this just what you think. Perhaps statements like this, not the new China rules, are what caused you to title this segment of your show "Adoption prejudice".

Solangel Maldonado - "Americans do have this love affair with Chinese girls. There is this belief, this perception, as irrational as it might be, that if you adopt a little girl from China she is going to be intelligent, she is going to be more lovable, more cuddly. [...] We definitely see that idea of the beautiful Chinese little girl as compared to do they really want to adopt a black boy."

Shame on you. That, once again, you somehow feel that you take something as beautiful as adopting a child and make it seem like an act of prejudice. Is it really important why a couple or individual decide to adopt? That there is one less orphan in the world? One more family on this Earth?

Paula Zahn - "Realistically, how are you ever going to change that bias".

You, too? Do you just jump to the conclusion that those who adopt from China are prejudiced?

I'm lead to wonder what were the qualifications of your panel to discuss international adoption? It certainly wasn't obvious. Sadly, I could go on.

I suggest that you talk with adoptive parents and experts on international adoption. Yes, some may think that adoptive parents have done a selfish thing - fulfilling their dream of starting or growing a family with a child that they will love, cherish, nurture, and care for forever. Through all the ups and downs. Good times and bad. No matter what profession they'll end up in. However, isn't it also a beautiful thing? Should we really be impugning the motives of people who have not just talked, but acted to improve the life of a child? I think not.

I may not agree with the new rules that China may impose this year, and personally I may even believe that some of them are wrong. However, perhaps the most appropriate reason for titling this section "Adoption prejudice" were the comment made by your panel at the end.

I've come to know and expect more from programs that you're involved in. Ms. Zahn, for the good of all the children of the world who need homes, I hope you find the opportunity to show America what international adoption is about from an adoptive parent's point of view.

Robin Bartko

Attachment & Adoption - From an Adoptive Parent's Point of View

Adoption Friends,

I wanted to share with you some thoughts and information on forming a strong attachment with your adopted child – from an adoptive parent’s point of view – and let you know where you can learn more about attachment.

If you’re adopting, you may be wondering how you and your new child will “bond” or “attach”. If so, you are not alone. I know that my husband and I certainly did. We wondered how our new son would react when he first saw us. How we could help make his transition to our home as warm and loving as possible. And, what we should – and shouldn’t – do to help him form a strong bond with us as quickly as possible. And, most of all, we wondered if he would love us.

Unfortunately, with all the paperwork and tasks during our adoption process, I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that we did little more than wonder and worry. We didn’t take the time to learn about attachment in adoption.

However, we now know how important attachment in adoption is for adoptive parents. In fact, it’s so important that when the United States signs The Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption (which is expected to take place in late 2007), prospective adoptive parents who will be adopting from China, Guatemala and other countries covered by the convention will be required to take training on attachment.

Why is attachment important? Unfortunately, for all adopted children, their very first attachment – the bond with their birth mother – was broken. And, as Dr. Lark Eshleman, author of Becoming a Family: Promoting Healthy Attachment with Your Adopted Child has told me, this break is traumatic for the child no matter when or how it occurred.

If that wasn’t enough, while your new child is waiting to be adopted and is not yet part of his or her forever family, he or she is not in an ideal situation to recover from this initial trauma and form strong attachments despite the best intentions of the caregivers. In the worse case, the child can suffer additional trauma if bonds with caregivers are broken or his or her needs are not being met. As a result, some children can develop attachment challenges that will have to be addressed. Since adopted children come from all types of backgrounds, you really won’t know about your child’s situation until you get your referral and possibly until you bring your child home.

So, if you are in the process of adopting, now is the time to learn so you can help make the transition easier for your child and yourself, recognize the signs of attachment challenges if they were to occur, and be prepared to help your child if they need it. As they say, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Dawn Choate, a mother of four including two daughters adopted from China, recently shared the story of the attachment challenges she faced with her daughter, Hannah, on ThinkingOfAdopting.com. Dawn talked about how difficult it was for her to realize that Hannah was having attachment challenges and her struggle to find the resources needed to overcome them in order to “Heal Hannah”. It's a very heartfelt and emoitional story, told from an adoptive parent's point of view. If you haven't yet heard Dawn's story, Healing Hannah, I urge you to do so.

If you would like to learn more about attachment as you prepare for your adoption, you may wish to consider taking our new webinar, “An Introduction to Attachment in Adoption: What it is and why it is Important” given by Dr. Lark Eshleman. The webinar also covers what healthy attachment looks like, describes attachment styles and why the attachment styles of the parents are important, as well as discusses the signs of attachment problems. Plus, Dr. Eshleman will be appearing live on ThinkingOfAdopting.com for a 60 minute Q&A session on January 14th at 9 PM Eastern Time. For more information or to register go to the Adoption Telecourses page on ThinkingOfAdopting.com.

If you have any questions on how to learn more about attachment, please don’t hesitate to contact me via email at Robin@ThinkingOfAdopting.com

If you’re wondering how our son reacted the first (and second) time he saw us, he cried his eyes out. That’s right! You’d have thought that we were the scariest people around and that he would never want to leave the orphanage. And – despite how we felt at the time – what we learned later was that was a good sign. A sign that he had formed an attachment with his caregivers, and that once he got to know us he could form a forever bond with us as his mother and father. And while it didn't happen overnight, it did ... and it sure feels wonderful!

Robin Bartko

US 2006 International Adoption Statistics Now Available

We've just updated our International Adoption Statistics Page to incorporate the latest 2006 data from the US Department of State Bureau of Consular Affairs. We now have 17 years of data online and available for you to review. This is an excellent source of information if you trying to decide which country to adopt from.

Overall the number of orphan visas issued between October 1, 2005 and September 30, 2006 was 19,797 - down 13% (2,931 visas) over the previous year and the lowest total since 2001.

Eighty percent of the drop (2,346 visas) is due to decreases in adoption from China and Russia. Adoption from China is down 18% (1,413 visas), while adoption from Russia decreased 20% (933 visas). While China remained number one on the list with 6,493 adoptions, Russia dropped from number two to three.

Guatemala, with an increase of 9% (352 visas), is now number two on the list with a total of 4,135 adoptions vs. Russia's 3,706. Adoptions from Ethiopia grew significantly, up 66% (291 visas) to 732, placing Ethiopia fifth on the list overall. Other changes of note include:

• Ukraine - down 44% (361 visas)
• South Korea - down 16% (254 visas)
• Kazakhstan - down 22% (168 visas)

The top four countries on the list (China, Guatemala, Russia, and South Korea) account for 79% of all orphan visas issued -- the same as in the previous year. In total, orphan visas were issued for children from 20 different countries. Visit our International Adoption Statistics Page for more information.

Please note that the actual number of adoptions may vary as it is possible that not every visa issued was used.

While the data does show a decrease in the number of international adoption in the US for the second straight year, it is comforting to know that since 1989 approximately 246,343 children have been adopted by families in the United States -- a number that continues to grow.

What You Need to Know About the Hague Convention

I've been writing in teh ThinkingOfAdopting.com Newsletter about The Hague Convention on International Adoption and how it may affect adoption, especially from China and Guatemala (check out the 10/9/06 and 11/12/06 editions in my Newsletter Archive). If you're in the process of adopting internationally - especially if you're in the early stages - I recommend that you become familiar with it.

To help, I wanted to let you know that that the US Department of State Bureau of Consular Affairs has published an excellent guide on the Hague Convention for prospective adoptive parents that I highly recommend to anyone who is adopting – regardless of the country. You'll note that The Hague Convention will require prospective adoptive parents to take 10 hours of training on topics including the intercountry adoption process, developmental risk factors associated with children from the expected country of origin, and attachment disorders.

ThinkingOfAdopting.com has and will continue to provide courses that meet these requirements and we will be happy to provide you with certificates of completion or will forward them directly to your adoption agency. You can view the guide by clicking on the following link:

The Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption:
A Guide for Prospective Adoptive Parents

New China Blog Posted - Checking Boxes

Adoption Friends,

We've just posted a link to a new blog on ThinkingOfAdopting.com - Checking Boxes

It's written by Emma and Aaron, a couple from Queensland, Australia who are hoping to adopt a baby from China. I was fortunate to learn of Emma's blog when she contacted me after listening to the Thinking Of Adopting Podcast.

When you read Emma's blog you'll find that while the process in Australia for adopting a child from China is a bit different than in the United States, the hopes and dreams, the ups and downs, and the waiting and the joy for those on their adoption journeys are all the same. I hope Emma's blog may provide you with some inspiration for your adoption journey, and I thank her for sharing her journey.

You'll find a link to "Checking Boxes" and a number of other great adoption blogs on ThinkingOfAdopting.com's Adoption Blogs page. My best to Emma and Aaron on their adoption journey!

Robin Bartko

Adoption Expo In Washington, DC This Weekend

If you live near the Washington DC area, the Freddie Mac Foundation will be holding a free Adoption Expo this Saturday (12/2/06) at the Grand Hyatt Hotel in Washington, DC. This is a great opportunity to learn about adoption from many sources, including the approximately 40 adoption service providers and adoption agencies expected to be in attendance. In addition, there will be workshops for prospective and current adoptive parents as well as "parent-to-parent" discussion groups. ThinkingOfAdopting.com will have a booth at the Expo, and I'll be participating in one of the "parent-to-parent" discussion groups. Dr. Gordina will also be in attendance and presenting as part of one of the workshops. If you attend please stop by and say "hello" - I'd really like to meet you! Visit the Freddie Mac Foundation Expo Page to learn more.

Robin Bartko

Excellent New Book on Adoption

I just purchased an excellent new book on International Adoption that I like to tell you about. If you're trying to decide which country you will adopt from, I believe you'll find it to be a great resource.

“The Complete Book of International Adoption” by Dawn Davenport was just published in 2006 and it has very good, current information about international adoption. In the back of the book, it has a country by country section that gives great details that I have not seen in any other book, and includes why children are available for adoption, the "stability" of adoption programs of specific countries, information about the Hague Treaty (very important to start paying attention to, depending on when you are adoption from), post adoption reports and informational about what international medical doctors are seeing in children from these countries. Plus, this book has a lot of real life examples from adoptive families.

If you'd like to learn more or purchase this or other adoption books, you can do so by going to the Adoption Books page of ThinkingOfAdopting.com. If you're read the book, please be sure to let me know what you think by posting your comments to this blog!

Robn Bartko

Live Q&A Session with Dr. Alla Gordina

Alla Gordina, MD, Fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics and a 2006 Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute "Angel of Adoption", will be appearing live on ThinkingOfAdopting.com Sunday, 11/19/06 at 9 PM Eastern for a 90 minute Q&A session as part of her webinar, "Medical Aspects of International Adoption". The webinar includes both the live Q&A session plus Dr. Gordina's 65 minute recorded webinar that you can watch over the Internet at your convenience. This is a fantastic opportunity and a great value for those adopting from Russia, Kazakhstan or the Ukraine - read the feedback from previous participants! Use the following link to learn more or register:
http://www.thinkingofadopting.com/html/adoption_telecourses.html

Robin Bartko

Great Article on Transition from Orphanage to Home

Whether you are adopting from an orphanage, foster care, or are already home, I found a great article on-line that you should read. Plus, it also includes a Q&A section with questions that adoptive parents have asked on a range of topics including sleep and feeding issues. Click here to view the article.

Robin Bartko

Country Guidelines & New Video Section on Rainbowkids.com

Rainbowkids.com has recently redone their web site, and I wanted to share with you two of my favorite features. The first is the "Countries" section (http://www.rainbowkids.com/Countries/) that provides country specific adoption guidelines for many countries -- useful if you're still thinking about which country would be right for you. Just click the flag of the country that interests you.

My favorite, however, is the new "Video" section (http://www.rainbowkids.com/ShowVideo.aspx) that has some truly wonderful videos. Some appear to be sent in by adoptive families and are like mini-music videos about their children. I get tears in my eyes watching some of them -- a picture really is worth a thousand words. My favorite is "Karra" which is set to the most beautiful adoption song I've ever heard, "You are My Child" by Shawna Fox. If you want some inspiration, check this video out. The chorus is:

"I wasn't there when you were born,
I didn't see you start to crawl.
I couldn't watch your first few steps,
or pick you up for your first fall.
I may not be the one who saw your first sweet smile.
I wasn't there in the beginning,
but from now on, you are my child."

Really touches your heart!

Robin Bartko

October Adoption Webinars Sneak Peak

Adoption Friends,

While the full October 2006 ThinkingOfAdopting.com Adoption Telecourse and Webinar schedule has not yet been released, I wanted to give you a few "sneak peaks" of what you can expect:

1) "Adopting the Orphanage Child: Overcoming Orphanage Life" with Dr. Todd Ochs (10/15/06)

2) "Thinking of Adopting? Learn, Leap, Love!" with Robin Bartko - This five session webinar will give you an overview of the international adoption process, including focused sessions on the process, the home study, how (and when) to select an adoption agency, and sources of international adoption information. This webinar will include downloadable questions for you to ask when you are interviewing adoption agencies. (Begins 10/18/06; class size is limited so send me an email at Robin@ThinkingOfAdopting.com to reserve your space).

3) "Healing Hannah: Attachment from a parent's point of view" with Dawn Choate (10/25/06) A new webinar on attachment from the adoptive parent's point of view. Dawn -- a mother of four including two children adopted from China -- will discuss the attachment challenges she faced with one of her daughters, including describing her daughter's symptoms, how she ultimately realized she was facing an attachment challenge, and how she found the resources needed to overcome them. This is a great opportunity for both pre and post adoptive parents regardless of the country you are adopting (or have adopted) from. Dawn was recently featured in Adoption Today magazine.

Registration will open soon. Sign up for the ThinkingOfAdopting.com newsletter to be notified as soon as registration opens.

Robin Bartko

What type of toys should I take to the orphanage?

Are you getting ready to make your first (or second) trip to the orphanage to visit your new child? Are you wondering what types of toys might be best for you to take to play and interact him or her? Tatyana Komarova, native speaker and Russian language instructor, recently provided some great advice on this topic I’d like to share with you during her ThinkingOfAdopting.com webinar, “Russian for the Adoption Traveler I”

Tatyana recommends you take toys that are both fun for the child and help you play and i